OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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