Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
