I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
