I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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