I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
