just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
