I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
