Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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