She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
