so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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