haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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