I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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