next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
