dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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