If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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