Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
