Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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