It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
