I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
