I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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