Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
