I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize