My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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