Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
