i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
