he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
