so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
