i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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