Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
