It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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