you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
