I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
