I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
