With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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