its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize