if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize