she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
