Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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