listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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