Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As shirtless as possible
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Randomize
