i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
