I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
