shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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