Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
