At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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