The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
