hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
