Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
