The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
