is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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