is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
