we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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