If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
