super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
