hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
