I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
