Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
