so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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