You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
