The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
