The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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