I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
