I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
