"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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