You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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