Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize