Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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