on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
